Are you too OLD to be a Mommy???

There I was, sitting in the hospital, having just given birth to my sweet baby boy a day earlier, and I will never forget that moment when a nurse who was just coming on shift sat down right next to me. Being a brand new mom, I thought she was going to introduce herself, check my vitals, and ask to hold the baby. I was so wrong. Instead, she said, "I just have to ask, what prompted you to have a baby at 48?" I was taken aback as age had never really been on my mind. Yes, I had a hard time getting pregnant but I was determined to keep trying, miscarriage after miscarriage. I can't remember my exact words in response to that nurse, but I remember being very calm and stating that I had not met the right man before and I did not want to have a baby until I did. To this day, I remember that moment so vividly and I think it prompted me to stand up for older moms and at least share my journey and hopefully encourage and support other older moms (younger women too) who very much want to be a mom.

I have two journeys to share, one of infertility and one about being an older mom and all that has gone along with that.

Let me start with my infertility journey. I met my husband when we were early 40's. My husband had been married before and had two children (5 and 10). I had always dated "never marrieds'" so this was new to me. Over our dating, I saw an amazing father and I so wanted to share that with him. One romantic evening at the beach, he asked me if I had ever wanted children and I explained that "I had just not met the right person." Now mind you, I never said that I did not want children, rather that I had not met the right person. However, my dear sweet boyfriend did not listen closely enough and assumed all was good as he did not want more children. Fast forward a year or so and the conversation came up again. I will it leave to your imagination as to just how that conversation went. Shortly after that, we found ourselves pregnant at age 45. I was thrilled, my dear sweet boyfriend was a little shell-shocked and my mom was not a fan of this news. I was devastated by my mom's reaction because my dream of having a child had just come true. I never quite found out if it was my mother's fear of losing me, a worry about my health, or what exactly was causing her to be so unsupportive. Her attitude just was not helpful. Then at nine weeks, no heartbeat existed and our baby was lost. We went on to have three more pregnancies, all sadly lost. Each time, I would just pick myself up after a day of sorrow and move on to try again. I was determined not to give up and eventually, we were successful at 47 (this time with the medical assistance of Invitro) and we had a healthy beautiful baby boy.

I was so in love with being a mom, my baby, and my now husband. All those first experiences were so amazing. Even my first Mother's Day was pure joy. I was in an ecstatic state of mommyhood every day and so guess what - yep, I wanted to try again. I know to some that desire may seem nutty, but I truly loved being a mom and the desire for another was overwhelmingly strong. It was unbelievable but we were so blessed to be successful once again. This time we had a beautiful baby girl and I was a bit older. Let's just say I was and still am the oldest patient of my OB/GYN doctor. I will give you a hint, there is a five year gap between my son and daughter.

So, why am I sharing my very personal journey?? Because, I hope to be a support system for those moms who are or have been in same situation. Sadly, this journey is not always successful and you have to draw a line in the sand of when you just cannot physically or emotionally continue to try. Both for our emotional health and pocketbook, I had heavy heartedly drawn that line for myself at this last IVF treatment. I entered the process positively, as I had every time before, yet there was a nagging feeling of fear that would come up every so often as I knew this was my last attempt.

And so, the day I received the call from the clinic was excruciatingly emotional. I remember every detail of that day, and sitting there in the car waiting for my husband to come back from dropping off paperwork at work, the phone rang. "Hello, we have some news for you. Unfortunately, none of your embryo's' have made it and the embryo implanted will most likely also not make it and you probably will e miscarry within a few days." Devastating news. I was speechless with a racing mind. My husband returned and through heavy sobs, I shared the news with my husband. I told myself that I was fine, baby was fine and I repeated this mantra over and over. A week or so later, I did start to bleed. It was a weekend and I remember staring at the tree and it's leaves out the window, too scared to move to the restroom for fear of more blood escaping and I prayed. I thought if I just stayed still, maybe it would stop. I grabbed on and held tight to the words from the doctor's office that what I was experiencing did not necessarily mean I was losing the baby. Eventually, the blood slowed and I continued to lie still. Eventually it stopped and I made my way to the doctors office that Monday morning, and the best sound I have ever heard was the sound of my daughter's heartbeat. She was still with us. OMG - I could not believe it. Apparently, I had bled due to developing placental previa. I was so shocked and happy that day as I left the doctor's office. I went next to visit with my father. He was on Hospice but had been rallying over the past few days. After visiting my dad, and sharing with him the news, he passed away 20 minutes after I left. I have to believe there is some connection with my dad and daughter with the promise of life and his passing all withing hours of each other. We went on to have our beautiful daughter. What a journey - she is truly our miracle baby!

Onward to the topic of Age - I love this quote:

"Ageing is just another word for living." - Cindy Joseph

All I really want to say about my age and my children is I feel fortunate to be this age and able to share my life with these beautiful young loves of ours. I am immensely grateful that I can share all my time with them, listen, and learn from them, and that I am so blessed to be healthy enough to keep up with them. I have been on this journey now for 14.5 years and as I look back, I do not wish to be younger. To be working and raising my children in my younger years would have given my children a more disjointed mom. A woman torn between trying to make her mark in the world and being a mom. I would be giving up such special moments that I might have taken for granted. Now, I live a calmer, less stressful life that allows me to have better patience and the ability to transfer that calmness to my children. My only regret is that I can't go back and do it all over again.

Once again, this is my personal journey. I hope we can form a community of young and older moms where we can share our tips, sorrows, successes and just have fun being mom's together.

Stay tuned as I will be posting tips I have learned along the way, guest interviews, products that I love, and I am currently in the process of building my e-commerce called Urban Chic Bebe.

Looking forward to our journey together and to meeting new mommies.

Love to you all - J

written by Janice